Editor solves dancing conundrum through exciting alternatives

Advice you didn’t know you wanted

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Dear Students of JC,

I know you may be upset about not being able to grind at Homecoming. Although, personally, I don’t find this to be such a big deal. I want us all to have tons of fun at Homecoming while following the dancing rules. I have decided to come up with a few new dance moves that we can all entertain ourselves with during the dance.

1. “The Bouncy House”— Basically only requires bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet. A go-to for those whose dance moves take a little bit to warm up. Also, a good way to transition between moves or to avoid the awkwardness of not knowing how to dance.

2. “The Bernie”—Imagine grinding, but by yourself, bent backwards instead of forwards, and with violent flailing of your shoulders. This is the Bernie. Great for that terrible moment when you’re pushed into the middle of a group of people who expect you to dance.

3. “The Happy Jogger”—Perfect for those who (like me) run into the dilemma of not knowing what to do with your hands. Simply picture a beautiful day at the Ma & Pa Trail and pretend you’re jogging. Additional options: blissful grin, waving at passerby, exaggerated arm movements, etc.

4. “The Two Person Saw”—A perfect fast dance move for couples. Each person makes a thumbs-up with their right hand, then holds hands in that position. Next, each person grabs their own thumb with their left hand. Finally, move your hands back and forth and ta-da! Two person saw. Super romantic and hilarious.

Of course, don’t forget to pull out those classic dance moves like “The Sprinkler” and “The Macarena.” Remember, you will have as much fun as you let yourself. Don’t let this new no-grinding rule ruin your 2013 Homecoming experience.

Kaley Martin is an Opinion Editor for The Patriot and jcpatriot.com.