Episode 4: The God-Why-Don’t-You-Love-Me Blues
J: So… Kate the first thing I saw on ABC.com was this: Is Katherine unraveling? I guess that means tonight’s episode is going to have a lot of Katherine. Can’t wait.
K: Jenny, I’m making a sad face.
9:01
J: Katherine’s in love? With who? Don’t say Mike, don’t say Mike…she said Mike.
Love the narration…”Katherine’s imaginary lover.” So true.
K: KATHERINE. YOUR LITTLE IMAGINARY WORLD SUCKS. Please come into the real world, where you know, you’re a pathetic loser.
J: Katherine’s a psycho.
9:05
K: “I’ve been taking care of your demon spawn for 12 hours a day Carlos, my shift is over!” So like Gaby. She’s not exactly the most loving and caring mother.
9:07
K: What if Julie was working at John’s restaurant? That would be amazing.
J: I was thinking the same thing.
9:09
J: Way to ruin any chance of there being a moment between John and Ana, Gaby.
9:08
K: Just kidding. He’s married! Remember her professor last season? Connection? And it’s weird, Julie and Susan used to be more than mother and daughter – they were best friends. What happened? Maybe because Susan got a new life, new husband, new son?
9:13
J: Awkward conversation.
You can’t eat these! They’re…balloons.
9:14
K: “I was just swallowing vomit.” Gaby is jealous. But I guarantee John is just using Ana.
9:15
K: “Danny likes money. Do you like money?” Wisteria Lane. Bribing kids with money and beer. Classy.
9:16
J: Katherine has a special wedding cake design…I bet that’s her dream wedding cake. For her dream wedding. That’s NOT going to happen.
K: Jenny, exactly. The only way Katherine’s getting married is if she orders a mail order husband. Which she should do. And then they can move to Siberia. The end. Mark Cherry, call me for more ideas about what to put on this show kay thanks.
9:18
K: Hahaha the “gay” guy. So funny. But really Lynette, why are you showing it off? Wouldn’t it be smarter to just try and hide so you don’t have to worry about Carlos finding out.
J: Don’t try to hide things from Carlos…he’s too smart. Hmmm, sure about that Carlos?
9:23
K: Susan is such a mother. And Julie is very smart – she knows how nosy Susan is.
J: I know she’s concerned for Julie, but that’s no reason for her to snoop around like that.
K: But Mike, you are so adorable. Stop being the cutest husband in the entire world.
9:24
J: Julie’s awake! Is it just me, or does she look kind of different?
K: Aww poor Susan. Woah, Julie’s awake, finally! I want to know why Julie changed. In earlier seasons, she was ridiculously ambitious. She looks like she’s gained weight though. And she does not look good as a red head.
9:25
K: Bets on how long Susan can go without asking a question? I’m calling 5 seconds.
My mother says that that’ll be me one day. So I better not quit med school, get a job as a waitress, and date a married man. I’ve been warned.
J: Julie’s pretty alert for having just woken up a few minutes ago. I know Susan wants to get the scoop, but give the girl a break!
9:27
K: Karl and Bree are getting pretty scandalous. By the way, whatever happened to that steamy getaway that was supposed to happen?
9:28
K: KATHERINE YOU ARE A CREEPER. Bree’s right, “Katherine, you are losing your grip here.” She doesn’t need a vacation, she needs a straight jacket.
J: Katherine’s snooping…that’s not at all stalkerish. “You were spying on me?” Well, Katherine, I’m pretty sure you’re the spy in this situation.
9:29
K: Wow, Carlos cannot use Lynette’s sexuality to his advantage. That’s just wrong.
9:31
K: “You’re flirting with an orange jumpsuit.” Ironic. Sounds like someone else we know…
Called it, I knew he was trying to use her to get to Gaby. I wonder what Ana’s going to do – Carlos is going to kill him. Oh, flashbacks to season 1.
J: John DID just want to know if Gabby was still interested in him. Nice call, Kate.
K: Thanks Jenny you’re the best!
By the way, do you think this episode is more scandalous than usual?
J: Yes! I’m having a little bit of difficulty finding things to write about that we can post online.
9:36
K: It has been 10 years! Gaby’s being honest for once. And good, I’d hope she wouldn’t want to go back. Will Ana do the right thing? I’m guessing no.
J: This is a more serious side of Gaby…
K: Presh bonding moment.
9:38
K: I don’t like either shirt.
J: Eh, Danny’s shirt is okay. His mom’s, not so much.
9:38
J: Danny’s mom’s mysterious scar is seen again…what is that from?
K: EXPLOSION? There was an explosion last season on DH… that would be a great connection.
J: It’s possible…but didn’t they just move there?
K: Danny and his mother are as close as Susan and Julie used to be. So cute.
J: It’s cute, that’s for sure, but is it real? I still feel like there’s something fake about the whole family.
K: There is definitely something fake about the husband.
9:44
K: Lynette is selling herself out. I wonder how awkward all of those men are going to feel when they find out she’s pregnant.
9:45
J: Danny knows, and his dad knows that he knows. Only question is…what does he know?
9:47
K: Like I said, Tom always says the wrong thing.
“If you didn’t have one flaw, I’d spend every moment of everyday wondering what the hell is she doing with me.” Tom redeems himself. He is cute to Lynette when he tries, but he’s no Mike.
J: I think he’s a sweet guy. Sometimes he says the wrong thing, but he always means well. Tonight, he did a good job of complimenting Lynette. But, like you said, he’s not Mike Delfino.
9:48
K: Deep Gaby moment. Have you noticed how all of the major couples (counting Bree and Karl as a couple) are doing really well? Something’s going to happen soon.
“I’m honest to God happy with my life. I just thought you might want to know that.” Gaby, I have a feeling something terrible is going to happen next week just because you said that.
9:53
J: Katherine swears she’s better. She sounds slightly normal…but she’s definitely up to something.
K: Sorry Katherine, that sob story isn’t working on me. You are still nuts.
9:54
J: CALLED IT! “I’m not going to see another bride eat MY cake.”
K: You were right Jenny! It’s her dream wedding cake!
9:56
K: I bet this guy is on Wisteria Lane.
J: Was Julie’s boyfriend Danny’s father? Just throwing the idea out there.
K: Oh my God, that is it. We know that Danny knows something, that in an earlier episode, the father told Julie Danny’s not good enough for him, and if he strangled Julie, that would explain the family’s newest connection to the street.
9:58
J: Bree, thank you for firing Katherine.
K: “You’ve got to give up this obsession with Mike.” Bree, you are preaching to the choir here.
J: “You’d never know it, but the lady next door is having a nervous breakdown.” Really?
K: Seriously, get that woman a padded room.
10:00
J: I’m two for two tonight!
K: You are a so good Jenny! Dominic looks like a hobo. What does Julie see in him?
J: Not sure yet…
Predictions
FOR NEXT WEEK
K: So on Perez Hilton this week, I read that there’s going to be a plane crash on DH. And it’s going to be the plane from Lost, Oceanic Flight 815, is going to be what crashed allegedly. However, none of the characters from Lost will appear nor will the story lines cross in anyway. I’m not sure if or when this will happen.
J: That would be so awesome to see my two favorite TV shows (sort of) connect.
K: Okay, I hope Katherine gets shot. Just sayin’. But I’m guessing that Susan has pretty bad aim. She’s not a member of the NRA like Bree!
J: From what I can tell, it looks like Susan didn’t mean to set the gun off. But for it to go through a window and hit someone the way it did, I’d say that’s pretty good aim.
KATE, WHAT IF SHE SHOT MIKE?
K: OH MY GOD IF YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT THIS TOO I AM GOING TO CRY. This is not a joke. I feel like Mike constantly gets hurt. Or maybe he just got hit by a car in season 2.
J: Katherine’s going to break in to Mike and Susan’s house. And Susan’s going to try to shoot Katherine, but she’s going to miss and hit Mike instead.
K: If Mike dies, I will never watch the show again. Sorry readers, I’d be out.
J: Would you keep watching if Katherine died? I wonder if I’d miss her…she does give us something to look forward to, and someone to make fun of.
K: I would throw a party. Yes, she is a nice person to insult on a weekly basis. Her only use in life.
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comments at [email protected]
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comments at [email protected]