Episode 11: If…
After the plane crash incident, all of the Housewives dream about what their lives would be like if they made certain choices.
Bree
Bree is fine and escaped with a few minor bruises. Karl’s in surgery, and soon Bree finds out that he has died. First of all, WHAT?! Our newest favorite couple (although they aren’t Susan and Mike) is done. We’re going to miss Karl, even though he’s a sex-addicted pervert. Bree is so distraught by the news that she has to be sedated.
Bree’s dream if Karl hadn’t died:
Originally, Karl is really cute and romantic in their married life. But then Bree catches him in bed with Courtney, her yoga instructor. Maybe this wouldn’t have been such a cute couple… Hey Karl, sex addicts anonymous, please.
Bree goes to find Orson, who has died “of a broken heart.” Aww. Precious. There are pictures of his life with Bree around his bed, which is oddly similar to the guy a few seasons ago with pictures of boys in bathing suits on his basement wall.
In reality, Orson actually survives, but he is paralyzed. So Bree is going back to Orson and will take care of him—just like Gaby nursed a blind Carlos back to health in season 4.
Susan
Susan, being the bigger person, prays for Karl’s recovery. Even after he screwed her over. Turns out, loyal Mrs. McClusky hasn’t said a word to Karl since he and Susan got a divorce. Shockingly, Mrs. McClusky is a good friend!
Susan begins to imagine what it would be like if she had stayed married to Karl…
In her twisted fantasy, she takes Karl back and wants to find out how many ladies he slept with. And it’s a lot. Wow, Karl. That’s very low, even for you.
In this dream, Susan is fat. Karl’s cheating has driven her to seek comfort in food and push him farther away. Word of advice? Susan, have some pride in yourself! And by the way, her fat suit is very obvious.
Mike, looking fiercer than ever, comes in to fix the pipes. Susan comes on to him strongly. She kisses him after telling Mike that Karl is “screwing his secretary.” Susan, that’s way too much information for the handyman. Someone’s got guts to kiss a stranger like that. Either that, or she’s incredibly desperate. In spite of everything, he’s repulsed by her looks, and he tries to get away. This upsets Susan even more, even though he does it as kindly as possible, given the circumstances.
Susan gets in shape, and she comes down to see Karl leaving. Susan tells Karl he should be saying, after she worked so hard to get into shape for him, “Hey Susan, thanks for wasting the best years of your life while I banged everything with a GED and a tramp stamp?” Ironically, Karl is like this in real life too! Karl tells Susan that she deserves better. Amen. And she has better: Mike.
Susan gets out of her dream and finds out that Karl is dead and she’s okay with it.
Karl’s funeral is a classy affair, unlike his entire life. The priest tells the Wisteria Lane crew to “keep on living, the best way we know how.” Thank you, TV show priest. That’s something we can all take to heart in the face of tragedy.
Gaby
Thanks to Lynette, Celia is fine, except for a minor concussion. Gaby decides that God saved Celia because she has a “special gift,” and Gaby now seeks to find out what that gift is. “I know she’s going to do something amazing with her life,” Gaby assures Carlos. At first, we think that this sounds completely unlike the Gaby Solis we know. But then, when Carlos tries to tell her otherwise, the real Gaby comes out, shouting, “She is going to inspire people, and you are going to be a part of it!” She always gets her way.
Gaby decides that her younger daughter is destined to be an actress, and she dreams of her child’s future. The manipulative Gaby drags Celia to a commercial audition. When instructed to cry, Celia instead flashes an adorable smile. It’s not until a desperate Gaby pretends that both Carlos and the pet hamster died that Celia starts bawling. What an annoying cry!
Gaby continues to dream that Carlos is the evil husband trying to keep her daughter from achieving success. He tries to sneak her off to a summer camp that takes place during the time of Celia’s next audition. Gaby yells at Carlos to stop, and Carlos says that he’ll leave her. In the next scene, Celia and a gray-haired Gaby are living together in a cluttered house. Gaby looks like a train wreck, and her voice is cracking like a teenage boy’s as she tries to land Celia another audition.
When Gaby wakes up from her dream and sees Celia sleeping next to her, she realizes what she needs to do. “I did figure out what she has to do to be special,” she tells Carlos. “Absolutely nothing.”
Lynette
While waiting at the hospital with the other housewives, Lynette starts to feel horrible pains and immediately thinks that something is wrong with her babies. We think that maybe she injured herself—and the babies as well—when she saved Celia from the plane. The doctor examines her and determines that she must have emergency surgery in order to keep one of the twins from developing physical or mental disabilities later on.
Lynette drifts off and imagines what it would be like to raise a handicapped child. In her vision, she struggles to help her 14-month-old son, whom she has named Patrick, with physical therapy. Exhausted and distraught, she hands him over to Tom, who then aids Patrick with hamstring stretches.
In her next vision, Lynette—who, by the way, doesn’t look any older than in her previous dream—is scrubbing dishes in the sink when a preteen version of Patrick sits down at the table and asks for a sandwich. Frustrated, Lynette tells him to make the sandwich himself, and Patrick is stunned. We’re going to take Lynette’s side on this situation, no matter how cute Patrick is. The only way he’s ever going to learn anything is if he does it himself. When he realizes his mother is serious, Patrick slowly stands up, pulls out the ingredients, and makes his lunch.
The last we see of the future Patrick is a college student speaking at his graduation from law school. In his speech, he tells the audience that he would not be standing there if it had not been for his mother’s help. “What she was really scared of was my potential and that she’d miss something that would help me reach it,” he says. This scene was so touching that both of our moms were wiping tears from their eyes by the end of it. The tears kept coming in the scene that came next: Lynette wakes up from surgery, only to find out that the one baby did not survive. The person who comforts her? Gaby, who tells her that everything will be okay and how grateful she is that Lynette saved Celia.
Angie
Mona got hit by a plane, and she is still clinging on to life. How is that possible? The nurse tells Dominic and Angie to pray for their friend, and both of them fret about what would happen if Mona lives and calls the police.
Angie fantasizes about what would happen…
She is being interrogated by a federal agent about where her former lover Patrick Logan is. Maybe he’s really her terrorist partner? She claims to have not talked to him. The agent’s name is Bandeaua, the same guy who Dominic was talking to on the pre-paid phone at the coffee shop earlier in the season.
Dominic is nowhere to be seen in this fantasy. Angie goes to court and makes a plea, but she is sentenced to life in prison. Apparently, they never meant to hurt anyone, and the point of whatever her organization did was to spread their beliefs, although this is not elaborated on. Poor Danny (or Tyler) looked heartbroken. Seriously, if you’re a terrorist, you should go to jail. End of story.
Outside of her dream, Angie learns that Mona has died. The nurse tells her to not be mad at God for this. We’re pretty sure Angie is feeling the opposite set of emotions.
She doesn’t do a good job of hiding these feelings.
Predictions for next week
Susan is at a strip club? First observing, and then dancing. Did she catch Mike going? But if Susan even tries to strip, she’s going to trip and die. It’s official. That’s a dangerous job and Susan is a clumsy person.
Bree is trying to help Orson, who we hear screaming, “My wife is holding me hostage!” Mike’s response? “We’ve all been there!” We’re not going to lie—Orson’s complaining about hostage seems a little hypocritical. He’s the one that forced Bree to stay with him by blackmailing her. Orson, you have no room to talk. But it’s official: they’re getting back together.
And where is our girl Katherine? She was missing this episode. Probably holed up in the mental institution still? She’ll be back soon.
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]