Episode 17: Chromolome No. 7

From ABC: Gaby has a chance encounter with super models Heidi Klum and Paulina Porizkova in New York; Preston makes a surprising return from Europe; Katherine is confused by her feelings for Robin.

Bree:
After Sam introduces some great ideas to Bree, including what to title her next cookbook, Bree decides to promote him to vice president— the same position as Andrew. Seems like a poor choice on her part, but we’re thinking she might be trying to motivate Andrew. This has the potential to either kick Andrew into shape or fail miserably. We’re going with the latter.

When Bree tells the staff about the move, Andrew comes in drunk and goes slightly crazy. Wow Andrew, shoving Sam into a cart isn’t going to impress your mother.

In typical Bree fashion, she takes an apology basket of muffins to Sam’s house. When she goes inside, she notices pictures of a young Sam with Rex, who happens to be her ex-husband from season one. Bree storms out of the house when Sam walks in. We can’t blame the kid for hiding this secret—who wants to reveal that someone’s husband has another family?

Orson tries to convince Bree to go talk to Sam. She finally agrees because she’s not mad at him, but furious at Rex for having a secret life. However, Sam is 26, so he was born prior to Bree and Rex getting together.

When Bree finally goes to talk to Sam, she finds out that Sam is the product of a one night stand. Rex offered to give Sam’s mother money but was too in love with Bree to maintain an extremely active role in Sam’s life. Rex would visit occasionally, until Sam’s mother decided it was too hard on Sam. After that, Sam would ride his bike to Bree’s house and watch them through the window. He thought the Van de Kamp family was perfect. Bree puts on a fantastic show.  She has the furthest life from perfection, but everyone believes that her life is oh-so-wonderful.

Bree embraces Sam while Andrew looks on. Drama is going to go down between the boys because Bree is probably going to take Sam in as her son.

Gaby and Angie:

Ana made it to New York and is now modeling for a scandalous calendar photo shoot. She’s not 18, so we think that might be illegal. But that’s what you have to do to hit it big in New York. Ana is acting like a little diva when, all of the sudden, Danny shows up and explains what Gaby did.

Meanwhile, Angie tells Gaby that Danny ran off to New York. She seems to think that Ana will stay in New York to further her career, until Gaby gets a voice mail from Ana: “If this is my Aunt Gaby, drop dead.”

Danny goes to see Rose DeLuca, his grandmother, but we never see this actual scene.

Gaby and Angie take a plane to New York to find their children. Gaby is revisiting her past as a runway model.  On a side note, Gaby is only about 5 feet tall. How does anyone model at that height? Anyway, Heidi Klum shows up and gives Gaby the cold shoulder. Gaby was apparently quite the jerk while modeling and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree: Ana has major attitude problems, which upsets her manager, Luke (who used to work with Gaby).

Angie goes to visit her mother and gets slapped across the face.  Rose is bitter that Danny had never met his grandmother before. As we could have guessed, Angie is worried about Patrick Logan showing up, but her mother doesn’t seem to think Logan cares about Danny.

Gaby, as usual, has a plan: “Find Ana, cut the purse strings, destroy her hopes and dreams, [and] catch a Broadway show.” Luke and Paulina Porizkova show up and Paulina is even less interested in talking to Gaby than Heidi was. Gaby did not make many friends during her days on the runway. Luke explains to Gaby, who is confused about the less than stellar reception, that she had an attitude problem when she was younger and it ruined her career. Well, not much has changed— Gaby still alienates people with her attitude and doesn’t think about people’s feelings. At all.

Decked out in a head scarf, Angie visits her mother again. As her mother says, “Oh wow, two visits in 18 years. It’s getting monotonous!” Angie is ready to explain everything to her mother. And, of course, the camera shifts back to Gaby just when we think we might find out more about Angie’s secret.

Gaby catches up to Danny and Angie and tells Angie that she needs to watch her attitude or her career will go the way of Gaby’s. Hopefully Ana will get over herself and never come back to Wisteria again.

When Danny shows up at his grandmother’s house, his grandmother tells him to go back home. Whatever Angie said must have convinced her mother.

As Angie, Gaby, and Danny get ready to leave New York, Rose’s creepy neighbor talks to Gaby about Angie.

On the plane, Gaby offers to listen to whatever Angie has to say, telling her that she and Carlos heard the fight a few episodes ago between Nick and Angie. Angie decides to give some details on an airplane, where anyone can hear the conversation. Smart. Anyway, she used to do some hippie-like protests when she was 18 but then got involved with a really bad guy, resulting in the death of someone. That bad guy is Danny’s father. Nick, the creeper, helped Angie get out of the situation.

At the very end of the episode, the lady that talked to Gaby in New York calls Logan and tells him where Angie is for a thousand dollars. It turns out that Logan has had a lookout at Angie’s mother’s house in an attempt to catch her. He’ll be on Wisteria Lane next week.

Susan:

After selling her share in the gentlemen’s club, Susan pays off the loan Mike took out to pay for his business and also buys herself an expensive new dress. Just to let you know, Susan, the dress looks like tinfoil that someone attacked with a BeDazzler. Anyway, Mike gets offended at Susan’s helping hand—seriously, are men ever just thankful? They’re married, so there is nothing wrong with Susan helping Mike out financially, although maybe she should have warned him before meddling.

While Mike is already insecure about his masculinity, Susan tells him about Katherine’s deciding to swing the other way. Although, at first, Mike thinks Susan says that Katherine is “a leprechaun.” Honestly, this would be slightly more believable than what we saw last week between Katherine and Robin. We’d like to thank Cherry for making this a PG conversation— our moderator would be proud!

Susan attempts to comfort Mike, who thinks he turned Katherine gay. Turns out he is pretty darn gentle and cries during sad movies. Or, as Susan says, “You are a well balanced man who is in touch with his feminine side.” Mike tells her sharply, “I don’t have a feminine side!” Until Susan mentioned this, we never noticed that Mike had this slightly girly side.

When Susan goes to make amends with Mike, he asks her, “Do you need someone to do your hair? We sensitive men are good at that.” Oh Mike, calm down. Susan meant what she said as a compliment. In an attempt to be manly, Mike tries to seduce her on the kitchen counter. Note: never try that. It’s dangerous. He falls off the counter and Susan gets a salt shaker pressed into her back.

Mike reveals that he is upset not about possibly turning Katherine into a “leprechaun” but because he wants to take care of his family and pay the loan back himself. It’s a pride thing, definitely not a good business or life decision. Men are much too stubborn.

Lynette:

Preston’s home!  To be honest, it never even crossed our minds that he had been away.  It turns out that he had been traveling across Europe this entire season.

The family is expecting exciting presents from the many places he visited, but the only surprise he brings back is a European woman named Irena.  Tom and Lynette are shocked, but not for the same reason.  “He’s dating someone out of his league,” an impressed Tom says. “Remind me to high-five him later!”  Lynette, on the other hand, is suspicious of Irena and thinks that she is a gold digger.  Not that Preston has any money, and we’d find it hard to believe if the penny-pinching Scavos were actually millionaires.

Preston proposes to Irena.  Shocker of the night!  Not.  Come on, Cherry, don’t you think we already saw that coming?  He tells his parents and then asks them if he can give her the family heirloom—the grandmother’s ring.

Thinking she has a clever plan to expose Irena, Lynette tells Preston she’ll go get the ring from the jeweler, Jimmy.  There, she asks Jimmy to make a fake ring in the hopes that Irena will get it appraised, only to find out that it’s fake.  Lynette is quite smug with herself, but unfortunately for her, Irena knows exactly what’s up.  Irena gives the (fake) ring back, and Preston explains that he’s going to buy her a different ring because Irena doesn’t feel comfortable with having a family heirloom.

So, Irena and Preston are happily together for now, much to Lynette’s dismay.  We’re going to agree that Irena is up to something—she’s totally in it for the money.

Katherine:

Katherine wakes up in bed next to Robin after hearing the doorbell ring.  It’s Susan, who is surprised to see that Katherine is still in her robe in the middle of the afternoon.  Susan asks Katherine if she wants to join her on a shopping spree—whoa, so now they’re best friends?

We disregard this plot hole because the next thing we know, Robin enters the scene and kisses Katherine.  On the lips.  In front of Susan.  Embarrassed, both Katherine and Susan awkwardly pretend nothing ever happened, and Katherine tells her that they’ll have to go shopping another day.

Katherine invites Bob and Lee over to have a little chat (and our mothers shout, “Bob and Lee are on!  Turn it up!”).  Katherine is very direct with her reason for calling this meeting when she asks them, “Am I gay?”  While we love our favorite house partners, they’re not very direct in giving Katherine a response.  She has to decide for herself, and she tells herself that she is not a “leprechaun”—to quote Mike.

Robin comes home from a wedding and says, “Not to put any pressure on you, but I caught the bouquet!”  Looking up from her book, Katherine tells Robin that she thinks last night was a mistake.  Robin, recalling the moment, says that Katherine is just fooling herself.  Robin softly kisses Katherine, and pulling away, Katherine realizes that maybe she really has changed.  Oh, Katherine, just make up your mind already.

Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]

Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]