Eddie:

Oh, ABC, why do you tease us with such an exciting preview, only to disappoint us with another episode where nothing happens?  We already know that Eddie’s the Fairview strangler—we figured that out last week when he attacked Irena—so why is the show bothering to dedicate an entire episode to him?

We guess the producers just want us to feel a bit of sympathy for poor little Eddie, who grew up in a broken home with an alcoholic mother.  At the beginning, we sort of feel bad for him.  He sounds like such a good kid, trying to deal with his mother’s issues.  And then Mary Alice’s words haunt us for the rest of the episode: “Everyone thought he was harmless.”

One day after Eddie leaves, his mother goes into his room in desperate search of a bottle of liquor, only to find a mysterious book under his mattress.  It’s a scrapbook—but it’s not filled with cute little pictures or fancy designs.  Flipping through it, Barbara is horrified to discover that all of the clippings are from the newspaper, and they are all about women who have been attacked or killed.

The entire rest of the episode is dedicated to Eddie, and we see events from his childhood up until present time on Wisteria Lane.  Mary Alice is back, for the first time in a few seasons, and she takes on the role of his protector when his father first leaves.  We weren’t really thrilled to see that she’s back, no matter how nice she is to four-year-old Eddie.  She just doesn’t fit in on Wisteria Lane.

Bree:

We’re not exactly sure where in Desperate Housewives history that Eddie’s encounter with Bree takes place, but we do know that it is before her daughter Danielle gets pregnant.

Eddie is the helpful neighbor who doesn’t mind painting Bree’s house.  He appears to be so sweet, especially when he refuses to be overpaid.  Bree insists in giving him some extra cash and tells him that he can spend it on “wooing” a girl.  Eddie breaks down, telling her that girls never notice him.  We have to disagree with him—who wouldn’t notice his Severus Snape hairstyle?

Anyway, Bree tells him to pick a girl and buy her a gift.  So Eddie buys a bracelet for Danielle.  We’re guessing that she wasn’t quite the girl Bree had in mind.  Bree goes over to Barbara’s house—a house, by the way, that does not at all fit in with the neighborhood—and tells her that she needs to let Eddie down gently.  Danielle would never fall for a boy like Eddie.

Eddie walks in the house in the middle of the women’s conversation.  Barbara tells him matter-of-factly, “This lady says you’ve been stalking her daughter.”  She’s so awful. We can definitely see why Eddie starts to go crazy (not that it makes his actions any more acceptable, but still).  Barbara continues laughing when she hears Bree say that Eddie just wanted to woo someone, and this laughter pains Eddie.

He decides to try his luck again, meeting a lady of the night in a sketchy ally.  She wants her money beforehand, but Eddie brings out a bouquet of flowers first.  We cringed for him.  The prostitute laughs in his face. Oh, nameless prostitute, you wouldn’t be laughing if you knew what you had coming.  Enraged, Eddie strangles her, making her the first of many victims to come.

Gaby:

Gaby’s first encounter with Eddie is slightly creepy.  She’s new to the street and is unpacking when she hears a mysterious noise coming from her bathroom.  Out of the bathtub pops Eddie, who explains that he’s been playing in there while the house was vacant.  Gaby’s initial reaction is to kick him out, but she changes her mind when little Eddie asks, “Did you know that you’re really beautiful?”  Leave it to Gaby to change her mind when someone compliments her.  Kind of shallow, but it’s nice of her to give the kid a chance.

Eddie helps Gaby every day by helping her unpack and even cooking her meals.  When Gaby wonders why Eddie is spending so much time over at her house, he explains that his mom needs some “alone time” with her new boyfriend.  Thanks for the moderator-friendly term, Eddie!

Gaby feels sorry for Eddie, and she really doesn’t mind the company since Carlos is working all of the time.  Then one day Carlos comes home early, and so he and Gaby spend some—to use Eddie’s phrase—“alone time.”  And Eddie walks in on them.  Naturally, Gaby and Carlos are freaked out of their mind.  Carlos yells at him and kicks him out.

Gaby runs out of the house and tries to apologize, but Eddie refuses to accept it.  “You know what, you’re not so pretty,” he tells her before turning away and going home.  He passes by his mother and her boyfriend, takes a rifle, and goes outside to shoot some birds.  So is this how all murderers start out—by killing birds?  Even as a child, Eddie has some serious anger issues.

Lynette:

Lynette knows Eddie when he is older and friends with her sons. Eddie’s mother shows up when the Scavo’s are playing a game and she freaks out at Lynette for calling her a bad mother.

Despite her being an alcoholic and verbally abusive to Eddie, Lynette has no right to criticize Barbara’s parenting.

Then, Eddie kills his mother for fear that she will tell on him for all of the awful things he’s done.  Lynette feels bad for Eddie and his abusive family so she convinces Tom to invite Eddie to live with them. When she goes to pick up Eddie, she sees Eddie’s mother on the floor, and she thinks she just passed out. Then, Eddie hides the body of his mother in his car.

Susan:

Susan meets Eddie for the first time at the neighborhood coffee shop, and he actually seems kind of normal.  He likes to draw, but doesn’t see his own talent.  Susan, who doesn’t find it at all creepy that he’s sketching random customers, offers to give him lessons.  Eventually, she realizes that he is too talented for her and needs a better instructor, so she pays for him to go to a real art class.  So that’s really kind of her and everything, but we think that’s a bit much for her to do.  Art classes usually aren’t cheap.

A few days—weeks?—later, Eddie is back from art camp and runs over to Susan’s house to show her his portfolio.  Susan is upstairs when he begins talking to her and she yells down that she also has good news—she’s getting [re]married to Mike!  Eddie’s jaw drops, and he immediately tries to talk her out of it.  In an act of desperation, Eddie says, “You could marry me!”  Ack.  He has the worst timing.

Susan, clueless as ever, laughs off the proposal.  Her laughter brings back Eddie’s haunting memories of being rejected by the prostitute and teased by his mother.  So we already know what’s coming—he’s going to try and attack Susan.  Too bad for Eddie that when he goes to strangle her in the middle of the night, he actually attacks Julie.

This was one of the plotlines that ended up being kind of interesting, considering it actually related to the rest of the season.  We were starting to wonder if we ever would find out who strangled Julie.

Anyway, Mike and Susan get married—as we saw it in the premiere of this season—and of course, Eddie’s fuming at the back of the church.  Funny, we don’t remember him from the first time we saw this scene?

Missing from the episode:

Angie was nowhere to be seen in this episode.  All we’re looking for is a little insight into her family’s mystery, but of course there was absolutely no development in this plot line.  Come on Cherry give us something here.  At least we know that Patrick Logan isn’t the strangler.

Katherine supposedly left for Paris with Robin, so we didn’t expect to see her in the present-day timeline.  But where was she during Mike and Susan’s marriage scene?  Whatever happened to her infamous crashing of the ceremony?  Minor plot error, we guess.

Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]

Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]