Bree:
Andrew decides to be very gung-ho and takes the attitude of “We’ll do whatever it takes to protect mom.” They are adorable when they’re close! However, Andrew’s plan is to hire someone to beat up Sam, but Orson takes a more logical approach: buy him off. Orson wins out, and is pretty cocky about the situation.
Bree gives Sam a large check, claiming that he deserves it like Danielle and Andrew, who Rex had set up trust funds for. Sam, at first, thinks it’s a gift, but then Bree tells him that she gave Andrew Sam’s job because “this is a family business.” Wrong move Bree. The only thing Sam wants is to be part of the family. When he tells her that he is part of the family, Bree replies, “Not really.” Oh, that is harsh, but he did lie to her and try to tear the family apart. Sam is furious, and tells Bree, “I am a Van De Kamp, I belong here. If you ever insult me again, you’re going to wish you hadn’t.” Considering he is a bit of a psycho, we know he has something up his sleeve.
Always quick to play dirty, Bree brings in two former detective friends for tea and invites Sam. The detectives discuss a hypothetical situation about what they could do to harass whatever is bothering “a nice lady” but not technically breaking any laws. Sam is clearly frightened and gets out. A basically giddy Bree exclaims, “I don’t know why tea parties have gone out of fashion. They are so fun!” She is the type of person that feels an immense amount of pleasure from seeing pain in others.
However, Sam has the last word. He wants Bree to sign over the company to him because a drunk Danielle had spilt quite a few stories about the family during Sam’s welcome to the family dinner. She is literally the biggest idiot in the family and told Sam that Andrew had run over Carlos’ mom. We completely forgot about that little detail, but Bree loves her son too much to keep the company and let Sam go to the police.
Susan:
Mike is literally the worst businessman in the world. He won’t collect money from people that owe it because they claim that they can’t pay. Really? No wonder your business went under! Anyway, Susan decides that she’s is going to take a stand because Mike is too weak to harass his friends. Mike is doubtful until Susan fakes an extremely realistic breakdown, as she plans on guilting people into giving the money. We have a feeling she is going to be fantastic at her job.
However, when Susan goes to her first customer, he is a lot tougher than she had expected. Her cute smile and tears aren’t going to cut it, so she gets nasty and threatens him: “I’m going to make sure everyone in your life knows what a dead beat you are.” The man writes the check and Susan feels something she’s never felt before: power. Susan goes to the rest of the customers and gets her money by being tough. This is going to be her new favorite game. When she comes home with the money, and, from those who couldn’t pay, a bag of trinkets, she said, “I’ve gotten a taste of power and I like it.” This is not going to end well. Especially when Mike tells her that they have some tax problems to deal with.
Susan tries her new sassy attitude with the IRS guy, telling him that because she pays taxes and her taxes support the government, she is technically his boss. Not surprisingly, that doesn’t go over well. Susan has an idea: use the house to pay off the bills. No, the Delfino’s can’t leave Wisteria! They’re our favorite family! But we would like to mention that Mike looks gorgeous in green.
The Housewives meet and Susan tells them about her plans. Upon hearing, Bree tells the ladies “Checkbooks” and everyone reaches for their purses. However, Susan says no, that they’re renting the house out and taking an apartment, also reassuring her friends that they will stay close. We cannot handle this – Susan leaving would mean less Mike, which is not acceptable.
Lynette:
Detective Booth is a man with a mission: uncover the Fairview strangler. One morning, his coworkers find Irena’s body in the woods, and he immediately creates a list of suspects. Suspect number one: Preston Scavo. He goes to Lynette’s house and demands to speak to Preston, who isn’t home.
After Booth leaves, Eddie comes downstairs and tells Lynette that he is ready to go back home. Obviously, Eddie is nervous about the police keeping tabs on the Scavo house—it’s only a matter of time before they suspect him as well. What we don’t understand is how oblivious Lynette could be. She’s housing a murderer! When he tells her he wants to leave to take care of his own mother, she begs him to stay, but he refuses. “Your mom is lucky to have a son like you.” Uh huh, sure she is.
What we don’t understand is why Lynette isn’t immediately suspicious of Eddie’s desire to leave as soon as the police turn up. He claims that he has to go take care of his mother, whom the neighbors haven’t seen in days. Aren’t those warning signs that something’s wrong?
Barbara’s body is found, and the police take Preston off of the suspect list because the murder occurred while he was away. Lynette goes to Eddie’s house to tell him the tragic news. He’s packing when she walks in the door, and he tells her that he is going to visit his mother in Florida.
Suddenly, Lynette pieces everything together and realizes what we’ve known for weeks: Eddie’s the murderer. Well, Lynette, guess what? Your ignorance just might cost you and your baby’s lives. Now you’re trapped in a psycho serial murder’s house with no way out. As Mary Alice’s voiceover comes on the screen, we can’t help but get chills down our spines: “People make choices every day, and those choices are what define us…but what about those poor people who were trapped by circumstances? What happens to those who have no choices left?”
We read earlier this season that a major character was going to die in the season finale. Look, we know Lynette was pretty stupid to not realize that Eddie wasn’t the sweet but troubled teenager she thought he was, but she doesn’t deserve to die. Leave it to Marc Cherry to end the episode with the best cliffhanger yet: cut to Eddie locking the front door, Lynette’s frightened look in her eyes, and the suspenseful words on the screen that read “to be continued.”
Gaby and Angie:
Gaby’s plot line starts off rather dull, and we expect it to be just another pointless space-filler. She’s mad because Carlos doesn’t like her lasagna. Fortunately for the “Desperate Housewives” scriptwriters, viewers won’t be disappointed for long, as this lasagna drama will play into the greater plot later.
Meanwhile, Angie wakes up to find that Patrick Logan handcuffed her to the bed. He’s sitting across from her, creepily admiring her grotesque scar on her back. “You should be proud,” he says of the scar. “It’s a symbol of what we’ve accomplished.” Angie rolls over and covers up the scar that she says is a horrible reminder of how their plan ended in the death of a innocent person.
We learn that a few years ago, Angie joined Logan’s secret group of eco-terrorists and built them a bomb. She ran away after the plan went awry, and Logan has been looking for her ever since, swearing that he still loves her. Now that he’s found her, he wants her to build him another bomb. We realize that Logan must think Angie was pretty good with her bomb-building skills, but couldn’t Logan just ask one of his other eco-terrorist friends to build one? Why does he have to pick on her?
When Angie realizes that Logan won’t leave her alone until she obeys him, she starts to work on a bomb. Gaby knocks on the door, and Angie tells Logan that Gaby won’t leave. Logan finally lets her answer the door, saying that “you have one minute to get rid of her. [If not] there will be one less neighbor on the block.” Gaby explains her lasagna crisis, and Angie fetches her secret lasagna recipe.
Danny sneaks back into the house one night, and Angie begs him to leave. Logan walks into the door, and Danny realizes that Logan has finally found the ending to hisbook Logan ties Danny to a chair until he’s ready to deal with him. “If you ever untie me, I will kill you,” Danny shouts. By the way, Danny’s a pretty good actor, nearly shaking with rage. “Everyone makes me sound like such a villain,” Logan laughs in return.
The next day, Angie is back on slave duty, working against the clock to finish the bomb. Gaby comes back over, and once again, Angie tells Logan that she won’t leave. Gaby brings over freshly made lasagna and begs for Angie to try it. When Angie goes into the kitchen to cut a piece—she has to pretend everything is normal—she slips a note into the dish that explains what is going on. She gives the dish back to Gaby, explaining that it was delicious but unfortunately can’t eat it because she is watching her weight.
Gaby thinks that Angie just didn’t like the lasagna, so she puts it on her counter to throw out later. Juanita and Celia—playing up the overweight children stereotype—discover the dish and dig in. Gaby catches them and watches and Juanita’s face scrunches up. She pulls the note out of her mouth, and Gaby reads what it says. We’re left to wonder if she’ll get help in time, or if Logan will beat her to it.
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]