Episode 23: I guess this is goodbye.
Teresa Pruitt:
Teresa was a nurse at Fairview Hospital, helping in the maternity ward during the pregnancies of Lynette, Gaby, and Susan. Now, she’s in the hospital again as “a patient with a secret.” Hey kids, if you didn’t know, if you live in Fairview, you clearly have some type of secret. That basically goes without saying Mary Alice.
A priest comes in and asks if Teresa wants to have confession, to which she replies, “Confessions are private, and the people who run this hospital need to know what I did.”
The priest goes to talk to an upper level member of the hospital after Teresa died, presumably soon after she revealed her secret, saying, “She wanted you to hear this, but I think you should sit down first.”
We see the man discussing with the hospital’s legal team what to do. They consider covering it up because this problem could cause unheard of consequences. As one said, “How do you tell the parents the child they’ve been raising isn’t really theirs?” One person mentions that he lives up the street on Wisteria from one of the couples subject to the mix-up and is supposed to tell them. Everyone lives on Wisteria! How many people live on this street?
By the way Cherry, this was not a great cliffhanger. Go back to the days of season two, when the cliffhanger was if Mike was alive. Or even last season when we were left wondering who he married. We need more drama and intensity. Or at least something more scandalous.
It’s probably not Gaby’s kids because they look exactly like her. She’s also been subject to a mix up before, when her former maid Xiao-Mei carried her child, but the wrong embryo was put in her in season two into three. We doubt Cherry would do it to her again. Lynette would be a likely choice, but Penny is blonde like her and Tom and the three boys are all red heads, but look alike. We doubt it is Bree because she isn’t shown being helped by Pruitt. Probably not Julie because she is around the same age as Bree’s children. That leaves MJ, who looks nothing like his mother or father, but is beyond precious nonetheless.
Bree:
We did not realize that it’s been ten years in the DH timeline since Andrew killed Carlos’ mother. Although, not to be insensitive to the dead, she was a complete bitch to Gaby. So it’s not like the loss is that tragic or anything. He had ran over her while drunk in the first season right after obtaining evidence of Gaby’s affair with John. This probably worked out better for Gaby, although Carlos did find out about the steamy and illegal hookup later. Sidenote – Remember when Carlos punched Andrew’s boyfriend Justin because he thought that Justin was hooking up with Gaby?
Anyway, Andrew does not want his mother giving into blackmail. He’s really grown up over the past few seasons and his relationship with Bree has done a complete 180. However, considering he is now officially billed as a guest star, we think he’s going to wind up going to jail to pay for his crime like he really should do. Orson believes that Andrew should need to pay, but Bree doesn’t want to hear any of it. Instead, Bree tells Orson that the issue is “really just between me and my son.” Wow, very similar to last week, when Bree told Sam that he wasn’t part of the family. It’s ironic that Bree would shut Orson out now after he is the one that went to jail to pay for his crime of running over Mike in the finale of season two.
Bree actually signs over her company, not without a few choice words for Sam. Sam first came onto the show acting like all he wanted was a family and he just wanted to be loved. Clearly that changed when we saw how he left his mother because she didn’t give him over to Rex (Although we sort of doubt Rex ever would have taken in Sam – how would he have explained that to the prim and proper Bree? She would have divorced his ass on the spot. Remember her flip out about his affair with Maisy Gibbons in season one). Bree tells Sam, “I don’t hate you Sam; I feel sorry for you.” We agree, although he is a pretty despicable person for his actions. One of her final comments cuts the deepest though: “I have a horrible feeling that no one will ever care for you again” before telling him to “be a dear and close the door on your way out of my life.” We aren’t so sure that Sam is gone forever though – we think he might realize the error of his way next season and come back to give Bree control of her company back in exchange for a little social and emotional support. He’s going to need her to continue to expand the line and make new cookbooks.
Orson is bitter towards Bree for not thinking twice about making Orson go to jail but selling her entire livelihood to keep Andrew out of the slammer. The reason that Orson went to jail for Bree was because he so greatly admired her morals and ideals. She held him to a higher standard and he appreciated that. Umm Orson, you know Bree. You have to know that she really isn’t this perfect goddess of life. She has a lot of flaws and in many ways has fallen short of her own ideals. She threw her son on the street, for God’s sake! So Orson makes the decision to leave Bree because “you are not the woman I thought you were.”
Well, Orson, you had a truly misguided view of Bree we’d say. You stayed with her through the crazy affair with Karl (where he blackmailed her into staying) but not when she’s trying to protect her own son? She’s going to have double standards for her son, who, in her opinion, was “only a child at the time” of the accident. She does tell Orson that she made a mistake making him go to jail, but Orson doesn’t want Bree backing away from her ideals, realizing that she made him do the right thing. When Bree tries to claim that she didn’t have a choice about her decision, Orson replies, “We always have a choice and I choose to no longer be your husband.”
Andrew walks into the house to see his mother standing motionless, staring out the window. She accepts that she is a hypocrite for her treatment of Orson in comparison to her son, and tells Andrew that all he can do to help the situation is to confess.
We have a feeling that Andrew agreed to it – he’s matured so much – because Bree stops Gaby after saying goodbye to Susan to tell her “something I should have told you years ago.”
This is basically the pinnacle of Andrew and Bree’s relationship. Fans of the show will think back to earlier seasons, where Andrew despised his mother who couldn’t accept his lifestyle. He’s the one that worked to stop loving her before she’d stop loving him. Bree dropped him off at a gas station at the end of season two because she could no longer love him the way he was because of the level their fighting had reached (he did seduce her sex addict boyfriend, which was a little much). They were literally completely chaotic for years of the show, up until last season and the five year jump in the future, when they began working together. We find it adorable that they’ve evolved to the point that Bree not only accepts her son, but would sacrifice everything she has worked so hard for just to keep him safe.
Susan
The Delfinos have a garage sale. Whereas Mrs. McClusky and Roy try to buy a T-Rex stuffed animal for $50, another neighbor won’t even give Susan $300 for a practically brand new table. She gives Susan a hard time for not having any money and basically telling her she should be happy with what she gets. Oh, Susan is not going to be happy. Her pride is wounded enough. As aggressive as she was last week, Susan, who has already embraced her love of power, said, “If you don’t get out of my face, I’m going to ram this thigh master down your throat.” The neighbor is pretty much scared to death and hands over the $300.
While Susan counts the money that they made, MJ comes in, asking where his favorite T-Rex stuffed animal is. Mike isn’t sympathetic, but Susan promises to get the toy back. We’d like to mention that MJ, for a six year old, has the greatest death stare that he shoots at Mike. Truly impressive for such a young child. Mike finally consents to Susan’s aggression, saying, “What the hell, we’re moving, so let’s go piss off some neighbors.” That’s the spirit Mike!
Unlike last week, Susan plays the pathetic card to get the toy back, telling Roy, who already gave the T-Rex to his grandson, that “I remember when we gave it to MJ right after his puppy died.” Roy reluctantly agrees to get the toy back, saying, “Okay okay let’s go get it before you bring out the violin.” He goes to wake up his grandson, who is cuddling the stuffed animal, while Susan assures him, “Oh you don’t have to wake him up. We’ll leave a note… and cash.” However, it turns out that Roy’s grandson is deaf. Mike feels bad and wants to give up the harassment of Roy for the toy, but Susan stands her ground.
However, they don’t end up getting it back. Susan tries to explain a life lesson to MJ: “That’s life. Life isn’t always fair.” She’s speaking from the heart, knowing the curve balls that Mike’s financial problems have thrown into her life recently. Mike’s explanation is much better: “In other words, we’re going to take you to Pizza World and you can play all the video games that you want.” Kids are so easy to please. Mike gets a smile from MJ and Susan gets another look. Man, that kid is good.
Mike realizes what is wrong and tells Susan to let him have it. She blows her top and tells him everything she has been holding back since he revealed his financial situation in an attempt to be supportive of him: “You blew it,” then expressing how upset she is that she has to leave the house she raised her children in. To his credit, Mike takes it like a man, even though he was a complete idiot to begin with about the entire situation. DH lesson of the day: share your finances with your significant. He assures her that “we’re going to get it back, I promise.” Mike had better be right; we cannot stand the Delfinos not on Wisteria. Anyway, possibly the cutest moment of the episode was when Susan shows Mike a piece of framing on the wall that she marked off Julie and MJ’s heights, symbolizing the importance of the house to her. Mike rips it off the wall and tells her they’ll take it with them. As a side note, Susan has hopes that MJ will be like six five. Not happening honey.
The ladies of Wisteria stand on the driveway outside of Susan’s packed car. She tells her friends, “I think you three are such good people.” Through all of the drama and affairs, it is adorable that Bree, Susan, Gaby, and Lynette have remained so close over the years. Touching moment that Mike ruins by saying that they have to leave. By the way, did Mike ever thank Susan for leaving the house she raised her children in for him?
They don’t see who is moving in. By the way, LEE IS BACK! He walks his client into Susan’s house and has him sign the contract. We’re hoping he and Bob reconciled and that he’s not just back on Wisteria for business – way to not resolve the issues with our favorite characters Cherry! That’s probably our favorite cliffhanger of this season. Anyway, Paul Young, Mary Alice’s husband is back!
For those of you that forgot, Paul is the one who framed Mike for the murder of Martha Huber. He had helped get rid of Deirdre Taylor’s body, Zach’s mother and Mike’s girlfriend when he was doing drugs. Martha’s sister, Felicia Tilman, harassed Paul for a while and then faked her own death (cutting off two of her fingers, framing Paul, and running away to a cabin in the mountains) to get him to go to jail for murder because she couldn’t prove his involvement with Martha’s death. We have a feeling he is going to wind up hunting down Felicia and extracting some revenge.
In addition, where is Zach? That little psycho better be back with all of his grandfather’s money.
Seriously though, we love that DH is bringing back a character from the first season. The show is sort of starting to jump the shark – there’s only so much drama you can have and it was so intricate in earlier seasons – so bringing back that element can only enhance it.
Gaby and Angie:
Not once in this episode do we see an ounce of Gabrielle’s usual selfish character. Come to think of it, she’s probably changed the most out of all of the housewives. But we were glad to see that she hasn’t lost her sense of humor as she pretends to be Angie at the hospital. Her impersonation doesn’t fail to get a good laugh out of us, especially when the nurse questions who the blonde woman (the real Angie) was that has been visiting Nick. Still in character, Gaby looks majorly upset, saying, “ His whore? She was here? I’m having her whacked.” Her guise works, and Gaby easily makes it to Nick’s room where she hands him the note from Angie and tells him everything that she knows about Patrick Logan. The two of them plot a way to escape from the hospital and get back to Wisteria Lane.
Back on the lane, we can almost feel the intensity of the scene as Angie works on the bomb with Patrick nearly breathing down her neck. She hands it over to him, saying that it’s complete. He swears that if the bomb doesn’t detonate, he will kill Angie. Since the bomb was a fake, Angie offers to take another look at it and actually make one. Finishing it, she asks if she can go now. Unfortunately for her, Patrick has other plans. He wants to go with her to Oregon.
Gaby and Nick arrive at the Bolen house, but all of a sudden, Nick slips back into a coma. Freaking out, Gaby calls 911 and says, “Fairview hospital, I need to know how to get someone out of a coma…I don’t know, it’s halfway between a coma and a nap.” There’s our typical airhead Gaby! When the dispatcher hangs up, obviously annoyed, Gaby resorts to plan b: get another neighbor involved. She sees Susan walk by and uses her to distract Patrick Logan. Gaby explains that Angie is about to leave but really wanted to say goodbye to her best friend Susan. We’re just as confused as Susan, who says, “She tried to attack me with a bat!” “She’s Italian. That’s love,” Gaby says hurriedly before pushing Susan over to Angie’s house.
Inside the house, Patrick tells Angie that while he puts the bomb in the car, she can say goodbye to Danny. While she’s with him, Patrick changes his mind and puts the bomb in the closet right outside the room in which Danny is trapped. He walks back in and tells Angie that it is time to go. Getting in the car, he tells Angie, “When I woke up that morning 20 years ago and you were gone, I was devastated. So I decided one day that I would find you and I would punish you. And today is that day, my love.” What a psychotic bastard!
Meanwhile, Gaby attempts to climb up the trellis and get into a window, but her stiletto heel gets caught. “Damn wisteria,” she mutters, giving a slight reference to the street. Well, what did you expect to happen, Gaby? Who in their right mind would even try to scale a wall in four inch heels?
Danny and Gaby run outside just in time to see Angie save the day. Inside the car, Angie finally realizes that Patrick hid the bomb in the house just as he pushes the button. She has 30 seconds to get Danny out of the house but knows she can’t get there in time. She starts running from the car anyway, and we think that it’s all over for Danny. But then she stops, turns around and looks at Patrick, and says, “It’s in the detonator.” Cue a major bomb explosion and the end of Patrick Logan. What a fantastic ending to the major season mystery. We can’t help but be majorly impressed by Angie’s clever thinking, but we should have known she had more than one trick up her sleeve.
Unfortunately, Angie and Nick (who all of a sudden is totally fine again) must run again. They can’t stay at Wisteria Lane, for if they did, they would risk being caught by the FBI. Gaby, continuing her streak of generosity, gives them a pile of cash to take to Atlanta, their next stop. Danny looks slightly upset at having to run again, but then Angie pulls out another ticket—to New York. She doesn’t want him to have to run anymore but instead to be a real kid for once. He’ll get to reunite with Ana as well.
But it’s not a totally happy ending for the Bolens. Because Angie and Nick are still on the run, they probably won’t ever see Danny again. “You’re going to be fine,” Nick reassures Danny, “because you’ve turned into one helluva man.” The Bolens step onto the buses, and that’s probably the last we’ll ever see of them again. But because it’s “Desperate Housewives,” you never know who will come back from the past.
Lynette and Eddie:
Tom and Lynette can’t be more polar opposites. We like to think of Lynette as the best mother on Wisteria Lane (more about that later), but Tom, well, Tom isn’t going to be winning any father of the year awards any time soon. Seriously, who goes out drinking with their children? “Did we get hammered last night or what?” Tom asks the twins eagerly. The twins are obviously disgusted by Tom’s behavior. Porter deadpans, “No, you did, with me and Preston following you around all night apologizing to everyone.” We feel the twins’ embarrassment. How horrifying would it be to see one of your parents jump on a table and start singing “Margaritaville”?
After searching the house, the twins confirm that the very pregnant Lynette is missing. Finally, we see the side of Tom that we fell in love with a while back, the man who (while he might be a bit pathetic at times) cares deeply for his wife and family.
Meanwhile, Lynette is still being held hostage in Eddie’s house. All of a sudden she starts having contractions, and Eddie freaks out. He switches from being a psycho killer to a concerned teenager in a matter of seconds, which we don’t quite understand. That just doesn’t happen! And why would Lynette trust him to take care of her?
Eddie temporarily goes back into deranged murderer mode when he hears Tom knocking on the door. Tom by the way still sounds a bit drunk as he slurs his words and asks Lynette to come home. Eddie, meanwhile, has a tight grip on Lynette, who is still having contractions, and prevents her from calling for help. What a jerk! If he had any sense in him he would let her go. But he’s too scared that Lynette will tell Tom everything.
When Tom finally leaves, Eddie lets go of her. By that time, it’s too late to drive to the hospital or even call an ambulance. Lynette’s going to have the baby right then and there, and Eddie has to help deliver it. Alright, Lynette, we understand you’re in a tough position right now, but why on earth would you ever allow a kid like Eddie to get near your child? The sight of him sticking his head in between Lynette’s legs, by the way, is simply revolting. Eddie looks terrified, but Lynette doesn’t seem fazed by her current situation. She’s had what, 15 kids already, so she probably knows what to do by now. Unfortunately, the baby has the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck and is turning blue. Eddie is afraid to help, but he goes after it when Lynette tells him “You have a chance to save a life!” He cuts the cord, and all is well. On a side note, the infant was rather unsightly looking, with a layer of what looked suspiciously like cottage cheese on its head.
When he’s done being a hero, Eddie gets ready to leave, but Lynette tries to stop him. She knows he wants to run to get away from everything but that he’ll never escape. “As long as you keep wanting to hurt people, you will never be free.” She continues to say that she wants to be his mother now because she remembers him saying that things might have turned out differently if she was his mother. He leaves anyway, but then he turns back, and he asks her to call the police for him. He’s ready to change his life. And that is why Lynette is the best mother on the show—only she would have the power to turn around a psycho killer’s life.
Still, we wouldn’t trust that kid with our children.
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]