Don’t Walk on Grass
Bree
Bree starts out the episode deciding that she needs to end things with Karl because she’s falling for him. Which is, apparently, dangerous? Although when your husband is a kleptomaniac who’s been in jail for hitting the beautiful Mike, falling for another man might not be the best option. So Bree, in her typically pretentious ways, tries to end things. By the way, in this episode, Karl looks at least ten years older. Karl professes his love for Bree in his typically charming way—he gives her his grandmother’s broach. She had told him, “Someday you’ll find the perfect woman for you.” And she was right. Can you say kill me right now with this cuteness? Maybe he has a heart, somewhere, deep down.
When Bree shows up at Susan’s wearing the broach, Susan tells Bree that Karl had given it to her and she had lost it. Bree makes up a lie, with Karl and Orson standing right there, about how she bought the broach from an antique shop. Bree is beyond pissed. Maybe this relationship isn’t as adorable as we once thought…
Bree shows up at Karl’s office to officially end it. Apparently, he had taken the broach from Susan, and then berated her for losing it. Wow, way to be a complete tool, Karl. He claims that he “forgot” that he had taken back the broach. Bree’s response? “That’s your defense: that you stole so much you forget?” Hmm, not much Bree can say after she stole her own possessions to keep Orson from getting half of if they got divorced. I like Bree’s response the most, “I’ve been fornicating with a morally bankrupt weasel.” Once again, Bree’s holier-than-thou attitude is apparent. Then Karl proposes. Now there’s the proposal little girls dream about. At least he got down on one knee. And Bree decides she’ll think about it.
Bree goes to Susan and asks for some positive thoughts about Karl. Susan actually has something nice to say – but we can only wonder what’s going to happen when Susan finds out about their relationship. Susan gives the broach back, saying, “The only jewelry I should be wearing now is Mike’s.” Heck yes. Glad she’s severing all ties from Karl.
When Bree goes back to Karl, she tells him she’s still going to think about it, but Karl needs to change and be the man he claims he can be. The catch? No sex for a month. As Bree said, “I need to see clearly without my eyes rolling in the back of my head.” Karl’s going to cheat on her with a lady of the night.
Orson, being the loving husband he is, actually goes to the antique shop where Bree claimed to get a replacement. Bree obviously didn’t think this through particularly well, as the antique shop only sells furniture. Oops. Something obviously clicked for Orson.
Gaby
Gaby and Carlos are sitting at Juanita’s Thanksgiving play after an introduction about a very strict principal. As they sit, Gaby, being the encouraging mother she is, says to Carlos, “Your daughter is talent free.” She’s seven, Gaby, let’s all calm down here.
Juanita shows up on stage and forgets her lines. And lets a nasty four letter word slip. Wonder where she heard that one from…
The parents have a conference with the principal. Juanita’s punishments include writing a letter to the entire school apologizing and being kicked out of the play. In addition, she has the elementary school equivalent of cafeteria duty. Gaby then decides that’s a little too far, although she believes her daughter should be out of the play because she’s a poor actress. These children are going to have the worst self-esteem issues when they’re older. The principal decides to insult Gaby’s mothering abilities and Gaby flips out and decides Juanita is never coming back to school. That’s two weeks in a row that Gaby has been called a bad mother.
Carlos is unable to get Juanita in a school now, so Gaby’s going to have to home-school Juanita. They have a nice little argument about who taught Juanita the bad word by quoting each other and blanking out the nasty words. Seriously, what’s Gaby going to teach? The best hairstyles? What designers to look out for? Fun alternative to spelling.
Gaby goes over to Lynette’s to tell her about her new role as teacher and get a globe, which is from the early 90’s. Gaby doesn’t even know that the Soviet Union broke up— Juanita is screwed. However, Gaby doesn’t seem to think that the fact that she knows nothing about education is a big deal, “Oh honey, Juanita’s in 1st grade, she’ll believe anything I tell her!”
The first day of class doesn’t go so well. Obviously. Gaby’s idea of gym class is ironing. And Juanita, being the rebellious little brat she is, keeps pushing the book she’s supposed to be reading off of the table. Juanita has no respect for Gaby, although Gaby doesn’t exactly demand respect from her children. When Carlos walks in, the two are wrestling, with Gaby trying to force Juanita to pick up the fallen book.
Carlos talks to Juanita and then tells Gaby that it’s her fault that Juanita is so upset. Gaby took away her school and her access to her friends. Although we can’t blame Gaby for being upset about being called a poor mother, she needs to find more mature ways to deal with her anger. Maybe people might think of her as a better mother if she demanded more respect.
Gaby asks Juanita if she thinks that Gaby is a good mother, to which Juanita responds, “Can we just read?” Aw, Gaby tries and does really care about her daughter. She’s going to try to make it up to her somehow.
Lynette:
Once again, Lynette and her family have a rather weak plotline with few funny moments. Tom and two of his college friends come home completely drunk. While we didn’t predict that “T-Scav” (his new nickname) would resort to drinking with teenagers, we’re not surprised at this type of behavior. As usual, Tom acts like the child and Lynette has to be the mother. Is he ever going to grow up?
Lynette tries to be understanding at first: “I know you want kids to like you and to elect you homecoming king…” But when she finds out the reason why Tom is hanging out with the boys, she feels that she has to stop him. Apparently, Tom wasn’t really friends with them. He just supplied them with alcohol, and in return, the boys promised to get him the answers to his math midterm. When Lynette confronts him about this, Tom tells her it’s the same as her trying to hide her pregnancy. “Sometimes we have to break the rules in order to survive,” he says, meaning that he “had” to cheat in order to pass his course, and Lynette had to hide her pregnancy in order to keep her job. While cheating is unacceptable in our minds, his little moral lesson was interesting.
Meanwhile, people were starting to notice Lynette’s rounder figure. Gaby, always the supportive friend, told Lynette that she could help her get back in shape. It’s not long until the secret is out and everyone knows about the pregnancy. Better tell the truth, L-Scav, before it’s too late.
Susan/Katherine:
Katherine has a weird new habit that involves entering neighbors’ houses uninvited. “I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been a little crazy recently,” she tells Susan after stopping by the Delfino residence. A little crazy? Alright, Katherine, go back to your dream world.
In that five minute exchange between Susan and Katherine, Katherine innocently asks Susan if they can be friends again and maybe get together for a barbecue sometime. Susan tries to refuse, but the crazy woman threatens to sue her. Come on, Katherine, it was an accident that Susan shot you. You shouldn’t have been sneaking around her house late at night anyway…
Later in the episode, Mike and Susan are just getting ready for bed when Mike receives a phone call from none other than Katherine, who has had some kind of a plumbing problem. Content to stay with his wife, Mike turns her down, but Susan, still afraid of Katherine’s threat, forces him to go fix it. The couple goes over to Katherine’s house together, and while Mike went to see what the problem was, Susan walks into the bedroom.
To her disgust and astonishment, Susan finds the room decorated to seduce Mike. Candles, chocolate, wine, rose petals, and a bubble bath in the master bathroom. “I always have my room like this,” Katherine says when she sees Susan staring in horror. Susan accuses Katherine of trying to seduce her husband, and the two housewives get in a cat fight, ending with both of them landing in the bathtub. “FYI, we hate her again,” Susan says to Mike before storming out of Katherine’s house.
Angie
Angie is crying, looking at a picture of her mother who’s missing an arm. Katherine bursts in to thank Angie for being her “partner in crime” in Katherine’s sick attempt to break up Susan and Mike. She, seeing Angie crying, makes no attempt to comfort her or get to the bottom of the tears. Thank you, Katherine, for caring so much about those around you. And people wonder why we hate her.
Angie calls up her mother on a prepaid phone and Katherine comes in, uninvited, once again. Angie has to finish her conversation in some quick Italian, which Katherine picks up on. Angie claims she was talking to her mother-in-law, and that she speaks Italian to her to make her feel “sophisticated.” A rather poor lie, but Katherine buys into it. However, Marc Cherry made a point to have Katherine ask about Angie speaking in Italian, so you can bet it’s important.
We thought it might be worth mentioning the idea that Angie and her family may have Mafia connections. It would be a nice New Jersey/New York connection, and the Italian reference would make more sense. This would also be a brand new storyline for Desperate Housewives. It would explain why the family changed their names and why Angie hasn’t been talking to her mother. You don’t just make casual calls when you’re on the run from the mob. Besides, Drea de Matteo, who plays Angie, was on the Sopranos.
Predictions for next week:
Bree screams “I WANT OUT!” at Orson. And then at dinner later, tells him to “unbutton your pants.” She is obviously going to give him some action for the first time in a long time, probably to keep him from finding out about her little love affair with Karl.
Susan’s in jail. Has Katherine finally snapped and turned her in? Mike is going to come to her rescue. At least, he better. He’s been letting this cat fight go on for far too long. We think he’s going to talk to Katherine and get her to realize the truth.
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected].
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected].