Thank you, John Carroll, for shutting down the library the days when kids actually need to enter and print something. The timeliness and ability to find another teacher to sit in a chair and “watch over” the library so that our ever-so studious students can study is really appreciated.

Thank you, to those students who decide to walk down the hallways with their
“fam” and take their time so that everyone else can be late to class. It is truly appreciated hearing you yelling and laughing throughout the halls.

Thank you, John Carroll, for having lunch service begin in the final five minutes of mod two. This really allows us to jam as much junk food into our systems and maintain a balanced diet in a schedule that won’t let us eat for the rest of the day.

Thank you, girls, who walk through the hallway in a straight line across, for making a four minute break that much shorter. You may think you look cute, eyebrows on fleek, rolling with the squad, but no one cares about your eyebrows when they have to lean against the lockers to let you pass. No, you’re actually just obnoxious.

Thank you, John Carroll, for all the recent one-hour late bells. What I’m curious about is what happens during that hour. Does the faculty meet to schedule a week where every single major assignment is going to be due?

Thank you, John Carroll, for constantly showing embarrassing pictures of students on the flat screens in the cafeteria. As if the broken air conditioning wasn’t enough of a reason to sweat.

Thank you, unnamed teacher, for arranging the desks such that the only one without a foot rest on the bottom is the one in front of me. My uncomfortable legs salute you.

Thank you, person who sticks gum under every possible surface. I bet that the sweet two minutes of minty freshness was great before your teacher walked into the classroom, and I hope that you savored it as much as I did when it hung oh, so dearly to my index finger. But don’t let me stop you. You go out there, buy another pack of gum, and chew your jaw off.

Thank you, whoever locks the locker rooms. Waiting outside of them for fifteen minutes while a search party goes out to find an obscure person who most likely does not have a key is certainly worth being late for class.

Thank you, obnoxious group of girls in the corner of the cafeteria for recreating the wild animal scene from “Mean Girls” and filling the already crowded, congested room with the wondrous noises of mating calls and hyena shrieks. It warms my heart that you are having a wonderful time and feel the need to let everyone know.

Thank you, voice from above, for giving the entire school five-minute updates in the middle of class. I love hearing about how little Johnny needs to get his Harco-card from the office in the middle of my Pre-Calc test. It really helps me keep my concentration.