Homecoming is only a week away, so boys, you better hurry up if you still haven’t asked her. She won’t wait around for you forever. And if you do ask her, make sure it’s thoughtful.

Asking a girl to Homecoming is like solving a math problem. If three x equals thirty six then what does x equal? Similarly, if she is allergic to flowers and had a bad experience with balloons, how else do you ask her? But in the end, you hopefully find the answer and hopefully she says yes.

The cuter the way you ask her, the more likely she’ll say yes. The audience is also a factor. If you ask her at a football game in front of the whole student section, full of your smiling peers cheering for her to say yes, she does not want to ruin that out-of-a-movie happy ending.

Because if she does, a riot would probably occur. Everyone would gasp in the stands. I, myself, would start yelling. If a guy spends all this time trying to find a cute way to ask you to Homecoming, you can’t not say yes. If you do, then you’re heartless.

Tips that you absolutely must keep in mind

1. Be original. No roses. No balloons. Both have been overdone by far too many people.

2. If you copy someone else’s idea, you’re basically telling her “I wanted to ask you in a cute way, but you really didn’t deserve all the time and effort that it would take for me to think of my own idea.” Bad. Wrong. You’re a disgrace.

3. Instead, think about her interests. Think about what she likes. If she has any weird obsessions like Christmas lights.

4. Then be creative.

5. If you do make a sign, keep in mind what her favorite colors are. If you do not know, then ask her best friend. The best friend always knows all. Just make sure the best friend doesn’t tell her. That would just ruin your whole entire surprise.

6. To go above and beyond, instead of just asking “Homecoming?”, ask her in a way that relates to your idea. Like the whole cheese pizza thing. You pick up a pizza then go to her house and then when she opens the box, it says on the lid “Will you go to homecoming with me or is this too cheesy?”

7. As for my last final piece of advice, which you should always keep in mind, go big or go home. You might as well go home unless you want to go to the dance with your pet cat.

A few ideas to inspire your own original proposals

1. String the Christmas lights around so they spell out homecoming.

2. Throw a rock at her window then hold up a sign that says Homecoming. Make sure it’s the right window though, and not her parent’s bedroom. Additionally, don’t throw the rock so hard that you break the window. It should really be a pebble, not a rock.

3. Ring her doorbell, then have your dog waiting on the front porch with a sign around his or her neck. The dog can also be replaced with a stuffed animal, but only if it is massive and fluffy. However, be careful because you don’t want it to seem like you’re asking her to go to Homecoming with your dog or the stuffed animal.

4. Write in chalk going up her street “Will. You. Go. To. Homecoming. With. Me?” so she sees each word as she drives home to find you waiting in her driveway with flowers, naturally. The word farthest from her driveway or whatever end point you choose should be “Will” not “Me?” if she’s driving home.

5. Bake cupcakes and have a different letter be on each one with icing.

6. Fill her whole car with balloons, and I mean piles and piles of balloons. Then on the side window, ask Homecoming. Do not write it on her back window unless you want her to get in a car accident because she can’t see the cars behind her. I know I said no balloons before, but what I really meant is don’t just write “Homecoming?” on balloons.

Sydney Setree is the Print Chief for The Patriot and jcpatriot.com.