Episode 9: Would I Think of Suicide?
Katherine
We have to admit, we were getting pretty bored of the constant Susan-Katherine catfight, so this week, we were pleasantly surprised to see that Mike—our favorite Desperate husband—has taken over for his wife in defending their perfect family from Katherine Mayfair. But just because the two women weren’t interacting with each other does not mean that their plotline was any less dramatic tonight.
Katherine’s sitting on her front porch with such a dejected look on her face that we almost feel sorry for her, but then MJ walks over and we completely change our feelings towards her. Being the sweet, concerned boy that he is, MJ asks Katherine why she looks so upset. Always eager to put Susan in a bad light, Katherine realizes this is the perfect opportunity to turn Susan’s son away from his mother.
The show cuts to an adorable father-son bonding scene where Mike and MJ are putting the finishing touches on a birthday present. They’re in the middle of a casual conversation when MJ expresses his concern for Katherine. “She’s not getting any younger. And it’s really hard to meet guys in this town,” he says. Mike wonders where his son would have heard this, and MJ explains that he had been talking to Katherine. “She also said Mommy stole you from her and that makes Mommy a bad person.”
Here’s where we see a side of Mike we haven’t seen before. He storms over to his ex-fiancée’s house and says, “You’ve never really seen me get angry, but if you want to, just talk to my son one more time. Then you’ll know what I’m capable of.” It seems to us at this point that Katherine will understand his threat and back down, but then again, it is Katherine.
Later, Mike goes to pick MJ up from a birthday party, only to discover that Katherine had already picked him up. He rushes to Katherine’s house, not knowing if his son will even be there. Katherine looks over at Mike, grins, and says, “I saw my little buddy standing out there [at the party]. He looked so forlorn!” Mike sends MJ home and proceeds to yell at Katherine. By the way, Mike looks super attractive when he’s angry.
Katherine explains that she only wants MJ to realize that “what you and I had was real.” Furious, Mike argues that he never had true feelings for her. “Every time I held you, every time I kissed you, all I was thinking was ‘God, I wish you were Susan,’” he admits. Ouch!
“If you mean it, then please kill me,” Katherine replies as she places a knife in his hand. “It would be less painful.” Mike gazes at the weapon in his hand then hands it back over, saying that he doesn’t care enough about her to kill her. He goes home completely unaware that his harsh words would prompt Katherine to stab herself in revenge. We know Katherine doesn’t die—she’s seen in the trailer for next week’s episode—and we also know Mike’s going to be in hot water because his fingerprints are all over that knife.
Bree and Susan
Bree goes to a sketchy part of town in search of a convicted felon named Lamar. She would go through anything to be with Karl. Aw. Apparently Orson, or “Flossy,” harassed all of the inmates in prison to floss their teeth. “I was glad when somebody used it [dental floss] to strangle a guard and they took it all away,” Lamar tells Bree. Bree pleasantly talks about how Orson is going through a rough patch and mentions that Orson considers Lamar as one of his closest friends. Lamar, surprised, says, “Really? ‘Cause he seemed kind of mad when I used him as a shield during that lawn fight.” Oh, the camaraderie of prison! Lamar finally agrees to visit Orson when Bree puts money on the table.
Meanwhile, Julie admits to Susan that she is once again seeing Dominic, a.k.a. screwing up her life. Why does she keep going back to that creeper? There’s a major rift between the once extremely close Susan and Julie.
Karl comes to cheer up Julie and offers to switch cars with his daughter. Poor Julie is too afraid to go out in her car out of fear her attacker is going to find her again.
She’s going to have a mental breakdown.
Susan sees Julie’s car at a sleazy motel. Unfortunately, it’s not Julie there— it’s Karl! Susan calls Julie, who’s really at the library. In usual Susan fashion, she doesn’t believe her daughter and decides to sneak into the room. Yeah, our mothers would be doing the exact same thing.
In the hotel room, Bree tells Karl that she just wants to use pictures of Lamar and Orson as blackmail and that she would never actually turn them into the authorities because she used to love him, which only turns Karl on. What happened to no sex for a month?
Susan looks into the window and runs away, horrified at what—and who—she saw. This is going to be an interesting battle. Readers, this is why we don’t get involved in scandalous relationships with our friends’ exes. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Remember that.
The women of Wisteria Lane have decided to take a self-defense class in case the strangler tries to attack again. Susan and Bree are paired, and Susan brings the pain to Bree, putting her in a headlock. Susan nearly refuses to let Bree go, saying, “I am not letting you get behind me to stab me in the back.” Bree tells Susan that she would give up their friendship for her relationship with Karl.
We really thought this friendship was over, but Susan is the bigger woman. She brings Karl and Bree together and wants to give Bree the “Karl facts.” Oh, Karl has some dirty laundry. Karl spent his and Susan’s 10th wedding anniversary in the strip club and asked for a threesome for his 35th birthday. What a classy man. Bree looked like she was going to pass out from shock. However, in the end, she said, “It’s hard to find and when you do you should grab it and who cares what anybody thinks?” Finally, she admitted her love for Karl. So cute! Susan’s reply? “Bree I have to ask you one question: are you drinking again?” She does give her blessing because she wants Bree to be as happy as she is with Mike. We’re very impressed with Susan’s maturity.
Gaby and Lynette
Lynette shows up to work and finds all of her coworkers awaiting her. A bon voyage party! So Carlos really was serious about sending her off to Florida. Lynette tells Carlos that she’s not leaving the branch just because she’s pregnant. So, Carlos changes his mind and relocates her office—to a storage closet. “Are you kidding? These twins have a bigger office!” Lynette laments, pointing to her expanding belly. Carlos ignores this remark and loads her down with an assignment that he expects her to have ready by the next morning.
Frustrated, Lynette plans to stay home from her daughter’s pageant that evening because she knows her job is on the line. She then realizes that her family comes before work, which was a touching (although rather dull) Desperate Housewives moment.
Because Lynette doesn’t get the project finished in time, Carlos fires her. Like anyone could actually finish a two-day assignment in one night! Gaby walks into the office, looking for her husband, and instead finds Lynette clearing out her desk. Still bitter about her friend’s secret, Gaby doesn’t seem to care that Lynette lost her job and refuses to try and change Carlos’s mind.
Because Gaby can’t stay angry for too long, she decides to talk to Carlos, who is starting to feel bad about his decision. Meanwhile, Lynette and Tom plan to talk to their lawyer in the hopes of suing Carlos. Gaby stops by the Scavo residence later with chocolates, a stuffed bear, and flowers to make amends. During Lynette and Gaby’s makeup session, Tom spies the lawyer pulling up to Carlos’s house. Lynette tries to stop him, but it’s too late. Carlos calls Gaby and explains the situation to her. Moments earlier, she had promised Lynette they would never fight again, but Gaby instantly forgets this. She snatches her gifts back and dramatically walks off in her platform heels, handing off the flowers, chocolates, and bear to neighbors along the way.
Angie
The girl who was strangled is named Emily Portsmouth. We don’t see the killer’s face, but we learn that he is a male and litters. Way to contribute to society.
Dominic wants to move away, but he doesn’t admit anything else to Angie other than being the last customer at the coffee shop. We really feel bad for Angie—she loves her new life, her job, and her friends. Why throw all that away? “After 18 years of being a ghost, I don’t want to give that up,” she said.
Julie and Danny happen to run into each other outside of the Coffee Cup, which is taped off for police investigation. Ana is back and is definitely interested in Danny. However, he brushes her off to try and take Julie out. Later, he admits to Julie that he knows about her affair with Dominic. Awkward. But Danny still wants to be with Julie, who rejects him.
Danny overdoses. Not the best remedy for a broken heart. Angie finds him, and Danny is rushed to the hospital. Angie and Dominic stand vigil over their son in the hospital bed.
Someone named Mona Clarke, who lives on Wisteria Lane, is Danny’s nurse.. We find out for sure that Danny is not his real name though. It’s Tyler! So, it looks like this family is in Witness Protection too. Why?
As usual, the Bolens reveal more secrets about their past, but they don’t seem to help us understand why they’re in hiding.
Predictions for next week
We got nothing out of the previews, but Katherine is going to blame her self-inflicted wounds on Mike for sure.
The mysterious plane crash is next week and not everyone survives. But, there will be a hero that comes out of the wreckage. Maybe it’ll be Dominic, that appeals himself to the neighbors. Dave did it last season very effectively.
Kate Froehlich can be reached for comment at [email protected]
Jenny Hottle can be reached for comment at [email protected]