Nick Tunes: Meghan Trainor leaves room for improvement
A&E Editor Nick Miller breaks down new albums track by track, picking each song apart down to its smallest flaws. “Nick Tunes” informs the reader of their poor music taste by pointing out which songs are and aren’t worth listening to.
January 30, 2015
Meghan Trainor: Title
Ladies and gentlemen: the girl who brought unironic doo-wop into the spotlight. She didn’t get the memo when pastels went out of fashion. She’s not so lean, and she’s a little mean. Her music is almost exclusively in treble notation, but she’s all about that bass. If you haven’t guessed by now, she’s the one, the only, the plus-sized Barbie: Meghan Trainor.
Or, as I like to call her, one-hit wonder.
Trainor’s new album, “Title,” debuted at no. 1 on Billboard 200. Soulful pop has always held a special place in my heart, so I had high hopes going in.
Trainor managed to get one song on my playlist, which is more than I can say about most of the artists I’ve reviewed. The other songs ranged from just okay to horrendous.
The songs I was done with as soon as I read the title.
This song’s tune sounds like it belongs on a commercial for some cruise line they advertise on Nickelodeon. You know, the one where everyone is really happy and the ship is made of gold. Then, when you go on the cruise it’s seven agonizing days of crying children and eight-dollar water bottles. Then, someone suggests it would be fun to get “slimed,” and you spend the entire next day getting it out of your hair. Yeah. That’s basically the “Walkashame” experience.
“All About That Bass”
I have a word of advice for Ms. Trainor: never put someone in your music video who upstages you in every single way. I had trouble caring about the song because I was too focused on the guy in the pink button-down who was absolutely killing it. If we “need more plus-sized superstars in the music industry,” I think it should be him, not her.
“Title” is everything I hate about soul. Listening to it, it’s hard not to imagine a barbershop quartet doing jazz hands and shooby-doo-wopping in circles with their canes and straw hats. Or worse, I can imagine some cartoon opening to this song. That kind of cartoon opening where the sun has a smiley face and the main character slides down a rainbow into a pool of his friends wearing water wings. Blegh.
The songs that I was all about.
“Lips Are Movin”
You may think Meghan Trainor is so very clever and original with the lyrics to “Lips Are Movin,” but that joke has already been worn out by Judge Judy. “How can you tell when a teenager is lying? When they open their mouth.” Ring any bells? The only line that I had never heard before was “You’re full of something, but it ain’t love,” and I appreciated it for all it was worth.
I, however, love “Lips Are Movin” despite its unoriginal lyrics. I’ll probably never get it out of my head, it’s that catchy. It’ll get annoying and old eventually, but, at least for the next few weeks, “Lips Are Movin” is one of the best new songs out there.
“Bang Dem Sticks”
Meghan Trainor attempted rapping in a couple other songs, but she ended up sounding like Chuckie from “Rugrats.” In “Bang Dem Sticks,” Trainor actually manages to succeed at rapping. And she pulls off transitions to vocals perfectly. I can’t say anything bad about this song, it’s just not my style.
“No Good For You”
“No Good For You” is super good for you, or at least your attitude. It’s just such a great feel-good song. That’s how I felt, at least until I started actually listening to the lyrics. Then I got so sucked into the drama that I developed genuine feelings of hate for the boy Trainor was singing about. I was so into it that I gasped when I heard what he did at the beginning of the bridge. “No Good For You” is a great song whether you’re a drama junkie like me or you just like mellow tunes.
Nick Miller is an A&E Editor for The Patriot and jcpatriot.com.