If Charles Darwin saw the current state of evolution, he would be crying. Evolution, or at least human evolution, has stopped. Evolution has slowed so much that now it seems more like neverlution.

Recently, there was a video released on the Internet of a lady trying to get close to the polar bears at a zoo by going into the polar bear tank. If you’re reading this and thinking “that’s a good idea,” you’re an idiot. Obviously, while the lady tried to pet the polar bear, the bear proceeded to eat her face. 

What did she think was going to happen, the bear would just be happy that an overweight 32 year old women was invading his personal space? False. The bear is going to go with his natural instinct and attack the deranged woman.

That’s simply evolution: bear gets attacked, bear defends itself. On the other hand, we humans decided to help the lady and hit the bear with a stick until it let go.

In my opinion, that’s bad genes. Evolution says this lady is crazy and should learn a lesson from this, but instead the zookeepers rush to her help and let her produce children who are going to think it’s a good idea to go pet a lion.

People just don’t learn from their mistakes anymore.  It used to be, when we see the crap about to hit the fan, we step to the side of the fan. However, now people will stand behind the fan thinking “I’m okay here!  I know what’s going to happen.”

People will stand behind that fan for years, but when they get your order mixed up at Taco Bell one time, they’ll go ballistic.  If they give you a taco instead of a burrito, just fold it sideways!  People freak out over the littlest things. A toilet gets clogged and people yell out, “Is there no God? I am so taking a pickaxe to Wendy’s drive-thru!”

Politics around the world have stopped evolving as well. Recently, the government spent over $180,000 on cloning a dog. We should spend our money on something more beneficial. Every five seconds, a child dies of hunger related illnesses. We could spend our money helping them. Did I miss the meeting when we established that we were just going to clone every starving child after he dies?  

The world has stopped evolving so much that people no longer look for good traits in others. Everybody judges each other on their outer appearances instead of personalities and intelligence. This leads people to get plastic surgery so they can fit in.

People are no longer learning from their mistakes or trying to find good genes in other people. Instead, people continue to repeat their mistakes and choose cosmetics over intelligence.

If this continues, then the prediction of the world ending at 2012 will come true. However, by that time, the process of neverlution will be so extreme that instead of freaking out because the world is ending, we will say, “No one is watching the car dealership; were going into the apocalypse in style!”      

Ryan Lina can be reached for comment at [email protected]